he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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