He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
