can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
