i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
