he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
