Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
