all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
