he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
