there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
