Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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