The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
