The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
