im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
