I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
