I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize