um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
