So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
