If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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