Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
