HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
