I love black thongs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
