she was so not down for the gang bang
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
