my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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