we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
