I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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