GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize