Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
