haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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