So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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