You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
