I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
