Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize