I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
