he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
