I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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