I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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