Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
