do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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