I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize