i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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