is wine microwaveable?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
