i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
