I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are two peas in an std pod
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
