i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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