i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
