oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
