fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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