i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
