there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
