There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
