Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
