I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
