Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
