I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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