im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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