I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
