so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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