i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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