Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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