'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
