the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
