I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
