take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
