My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
