he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
