My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
