Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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