My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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