Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
