He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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