...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
