Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
