Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
