He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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