Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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